This is what love looks like.
Kevin and Kylie (in the first picture) - soon to be married.
Ryan and Lindsey (in the second picture) - obviously very taken with each other.
These are my children and I feel so very lucky because they found each other and they found love.
Now the hard work starts.
Love usually comes easy in the beginning because there is an abundance of passion and romance; however, as love ages, if the couple does not speak the same "love language" life can get difficult. Anyway, that is what Lisa Taddeo says in her recent article about love languages. She quotes a pastor, author, radio host Dr. Gary Chappman who believes that most people give and receive love in these ways:
Words of affirmation. Complimenting. “I didn’t think you needed help with the USB cable because you’re so smart.”
Quality time. You want your husband to watch everything you want to watch with you, and you expect him to know which things you would never watch and those are the things he can watch by himself.
Receiving gifts. This can sound materialistic and less noble a language. But it’s just another way of feeling loved or known.
Acts of service. That means you want your husband to show his love by, for example, taking out the trash and disposing of the dead Christmas tree and building the bench and wiping the exoskeletons of ladybugs from the top of the light fixture.
Touch. I have found this one is a favorite among men.
In her article, Lisa said she married someone who did speak the same love and language and I took that to mean the relationship had challenges. My marriage ended fifteen years ago and to this day I still examine what happened and how the relationship fell apart. After reading this article, it makes sense that my husband and I spoke a different love language and we didn't know it.
I have to admit that I like all of these languages, but if I had to put them in priority order it would go something like this:
Touch
Words of Affirmation
Quality Time
Acts of Service
Receiving Gifts
Don't get me wrong. I love to receive flowers, candy, and thoughtful gifts. I just don't need lots of diamond jewelry to make me feel better.
Don't get me wrong. I love when people do things for me like my taxes, take my car to the shop, and make dinner for me.
Don't get me wrong. I love spending quality time with my special someone. (I don't think we need to watch every program together, but it does enrich the relationship when we enjoy the same programs, museums, musical groups, and restaurants.)
Don't get me wrong. I LOVE to be complimented especially out of the blue.
But touch is my number one.
A soft touch to my back or shoulder or holding hands walking down the street just does it for me.
Snuggling up by the fire on a cold day is one of my favorite.
I hope my kids read this blog and look this list over.
I hope my kids speak the same love language or figure out a way to translate a foreign language.
I hope my kids can make sense of things better than I did.
I hope.
https://www.nytimes.com/2022/02/11/opinion/my-husband-and-i-dont-speak-the-same-love-language.html
I choose quality of time and acts of service as my/our top two. Maybe I choose these because I am in a good relationship with mostly these two qualities and not a lot of the other three. I also would add good communication to the list. It’s important. Happy Valentine’s Day!